I was talking recently with someone who was looking forward to becoming a father. He asked me, "Is it hard to learn how to be a good father? How did you deal with that change in your life?"

"One of the nice things about becoming a father," I said, "is that it happened one step at a time. First we got engaged, and then some time later we got married. During that time, talking about parenting helped prepare me mentally. A few months after our marriage, my wife became pregnant, and then we still had nine months before our child was actually born."

"Of course, having a new baby was a big change, but still there were many parenting tasks that came later. For example, discipline wasn't an issue for the first year, and it was two years before we had to help our son learn to get along with his new baby sister. Being a good father all at once would be impossible, but the Lord gives us a chance to learn slowly."

Most changes in our lives are gradual. An inch of growth may take a child half a year. It can take several years to learn to speak a new language or play a musical instrument. Two people can be married in a day, but the actual marriage of minds takes decades to accomplish.

Changes in our spiritual life are also gradual. They take place one step at a time, and spiritual growth will be easier if we know that it does not take place in a moment. It is an ongoing process. Jesus said,

"Unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." (John 3:3)

Many passages in the Bible indicate that being born again spiritually will be just as much a step by step process as physical conception, gestation, birth, growth, and development. For example, Peter describes it in seven distinct steps:

"Add to your faith, virtue, and to virtue, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control, and to self-control, perseverance, and to perseverance, godliness, to godliness, brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness, love." Only by completing this process can we be sure to enter the Kingdom of God. (2 Peter 1:5)

One reason why being born again must be a gradual process is that it involves a complete change of character. Paul describes it this way:

"If any one be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new." (2 Corinthians 5:5)

Rebirth involves new knowledge, new habits, new activities, new loves, and new awareness of the Lord.

New Knowledge

Rebirth does not take place through a blind leap of faith, but through gradual education, study and enlightenment. Jesus said,

"If you continue in My Word, ...the truth shall make you free." (John 15:3)

Truth is the tool of change, the means to a new life. Jesus said,

"Now you are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you." (John 15:3)

Instead of accepting dogmas without question we must make sense of the truth in order to be reborn. Being "childlike" does not mean being childish in our beliefs.

"In malice be children, but in understanding be adults." (1 Corinthians 14:20)

In one of His stories, Jesus describes a good person as one "who hears the Word, and understands it, and also bears fruit." (Matthew 12:23)

Most important of all is the understanding of God. If God's nature is a mystery to us, we can hardly say that we are born again, or that we are His sons. (Compare John 15:15.)

Knowing God goes hand in hand with being born from Him. (1 John 4:7)

"The pure in heart shall see God." (Matthew 5:8)

When we are born again, God "shines in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the Glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." (2 Corinthians 4:6)

New Habits

Anyone who is in the habit of doing or thinking evil things is living the "old" life, and is incapable of the genuine goodness of the person who has overcome them.

"Can the leopard change its spots? Then may you also do good who are accustomed to do evil." (Jeremiah 13:23)

"He who commits sin is the servant of sin." (John 8:34)

Receiving the new life requires fighting against the old habits.

"Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die? ...Turn and live!" (Ezekiel 18:21, 31-32.)

"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean, put away the evil of your doing from My eyes! Cease to do evil, learn to do good." (Isaiah 1:16.)

This kind of repentance cannot take place merely by praying for forgiveness. It requires a struggle, an ongoing battle to overcome the old ways of life. Paul called this a struggle between the "flesh" and the "spirit." (Galatians 4:29, Romans 8:7.)

It is a battle that requires our greatest effort -- "all your heart and all your soul and all your might." (Deuteronomy 6:4)

Eventually, through constant effort, God gives us such power over our habits that we no longer would think of doing something evil. When this time finally comes, we can be called "born again."

"Whoever is born of God does not commit sin.... He cannot sin, because he is born of God." (1 John 3:9)

"Whatever is born of God overcomes the world.... We know that whoever is born of God does not sin, but he who is born of God keeps himself and the wicked one does not touch him." (1 John 5:4, 18)

New Activities

Along with new habits come new activities. A person who neglects to be useful cannot be born again, and cannot go to heaven. Jesus indicated that some Christians would not be saved because they lacked good works.

"Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, ' shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in the heavens." (Matthew 7:21)

In one of His parables, Jesus told of some people who would go into everlasting punishment, not because they had lacked faith, but because they had failed to help people who were in need. (Matthew 25:41-46)

After death, the Lord "renders unto everyone according to his deeds." (Matthew 16:27)

A person who is born again is concerned for others, and orients his life around the work he can do to help others.

"Faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead... A person is justified by works, and not by faith alone." (James 2:17, 24)

To be born again, you must "bring forth fruits worthy of repentance." (Luke 3:8) Service and usefulness are marks of the new life.

New Loves

Even more than faith and more than works, the power that causes a person to be born again is love. Peter tells us that we are reborn by means of loving and for the purpose of loving others.

"Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, being born again...by the word of God." (1 Peter 1:22, 23)

John also makes it very clear that only those who love others can receive the new life:

"We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death." (1 John 3:14)

"Everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love." (1 John 4:7-8)

New Awareness of the Lord

We must take it upon ourselves to have faith, to fight the evil impulses within ourselves, to serve others, and to love others if we wish to be born again. Yet in all these things we need also to realize that it is the Lord who is working within us.

"You have also done all our works in us." (Isaiah 26:12)

"There are many forms of work, but all of them, in all people, are the work of the same God." (1 Corinthians 12:6)

In the process of rebirth we come to realize that it is the Lord working within us that enables us to work, believe, struggle, and love. These abilities are His merciful gift. He says,

"I will give you a new heart, and put a new spirit within you...and cause you to walk in my statutes." (Ezekiel 36:26-27)

Patience

In order to be reborn we must renew our knowledge, habits, actions, loves and relationship with the Lord. All this takes time, even a lifetime. Just as childbirth and growth require patience and endurance, so does being born again.

"In your patience you will possess your souls." (Luke 21:19)

"Whoever endures to the end shall be saved." (Matthew 10:22)

God will give eternal life to those who seek it "by patient continuance in doing good." (Romans 2:7)

We cannot expect to be born again in a single moment. Again and again, the Bible advises steadfastness and endurance if we wish to gain the promise of heaven.

"It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." (Lamentations 3:26, 27)

For although it takes time, if we do our part, the Lord will certainly make it happen.

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." (Psalms 37:5, 7)

775. Having seven heads, signifies the knowledge [scientia] of the holy things of the Word which are falsified and adulterated. This is evident from the signification of "head," as being intelligence and wisdom, and in the contrary sense, insanity and folly (See above (Apocalypse Explained, n. 573, 577). And as intelligence and wisdom cannot be predicated of those who by reasonings from the natural man confirm the separation of faith and life, who are meant by "the beast coming up out of the sea," so "its head" signifies knowledge. It means the knowledge of the holy things of the Word, because there were "seven heads," and seven is predicated of things holy (See above, n. 257). The knowledge of the holy things of the Word is meant, because those meant by "the dragon" are not opposed to the Word; for they call the Word holy and Divine, because they collect from it the confirmations of their dogmas. But that they falsify and adulterate by these the holy things of the Word, of which they have knowledge, will be evident from what follows, and is evident in general from this, that those who separate faith from life cannot do otherwise, since such a separation is contrary to each and all things of the Word. For in all things of the Word and in every particular of it there is a marriage of good and truth, as is manifestly evident from the spiritual sense of the Word. This is why there are in so many passages two expressions that appear like repetitions of the same thing, but still one of them has reference to good and the other to truth; thus the two make as it were a marriage, which is called the Divine marriage, the celestial marriage, and the spiritual marriage, which regarded in itself is the marriage of good and truth. (Respecting this marriage see above, n. 238, 288, 484, 660) There must be a like marriage of faith and love, or of faith and good works; for faith pertains to truth, and truth to faith; and love pertains to good, and good to love. From this it is clear that those who separate faith from its life, or what is the same, from love, cannot do otherwise than falsify the Word, because they explain the sense of its letter in opposition to the marriage of good and truth which is in each and every thing of the Word.

[2] It has been said that the "head" signifies wisdom and intelligence, and that with those who are not in wisdom and intelligence it signifies knowledge [scientia]; therefore with those who falsify and pervert the Word it signifies insanity and folly, as above n. 715, where the signification of "the seven heads of the dragon" was explained; so "the head of this beast" has a similar signification, since this beast means the dragon in reference to reasonings from the natural man confirming the separation of faith from the life. The "head" signifies wisdom, intelligence, and the knowledge of truths, and in the contrary sense folly, insanity, and the knowledge of falsities, because these have their seat in the head, and are there in their beginnings. This is clearly evident from the fact that the origins of all fibers are in the head, and from it they proceed to all the organs of sense and motion belonging to the face and the whole body; and there, too, are substances in infinite number that look like little spheres and are called by anatomists the cortical and cineritious substances; and from these go forth small fibers, the first of which are undiscernible; afterwards these are bundled together, and make up the medullary substance of the whole cerebrum, cerebellum, and medulla oblongata. From this medullary substance discernible fibers extend, and these when conjoined are called nerves. By these the cerebrum, the cerebellum, and the spinal marrow form the entire body and each and all things pertaining to it; and from this it comes that each and all things of the body are ruled by the brains.

[3] From this it can be seen that the brains are the seat of the understanding and the will, which are called with one term, mind, and in consequence, of intelligence and wisdom, and that these are there in their first principles; also that the organs that are formed to receive sensations and to produce motions are derivations therefrom, precisely like streams from their fountains, or derivatives from their beginnings, or composite things from their substances; and these derivations are such that the brains are everywhere present, almost as the sun is present by its light and heat in each and all things of the earth. From this it follows that the whole body, and each and all things of it, are forms that are under the observation, auspices, and obedience, of the mind, which is in the brain; thus these forms are so constructed after the mind's direction that any part in which the mind is not present, or to which it does not communicate its life, is no part of man's life. From this it can be seen that when the mind is in its thought, which pertains to the understanding, and in its affection, which pertains to the will, it has an extension into every particular of the whole body, and there, by means of its forms, it spreads itself out as the thoughts and affections of the angels do into the societies of the universal heaven. The like is true here, since all things of the human body correspond to all things of heaven; consequently the form of the whole heaven before the Lord is the human form. (This is treated of at length in the Arcana Coelestia and in the work on Heaven and Hell.)

[4] This has been said to make known why the "head" signifies wisdom and intelligence, as also in the contrary sense folly and insanity. For such as man is in his beginnings such is he in the whole, for the body with each and every part of it is a derivation, as has just been said. If, therefore, the mind is in the belief of falsity and in the love of evil, its entire body, that is, the entire man, is in a like state. This is also clearly evident when man becomes a spirit, whether good or evil; then his whole spiritual body, from head to foot, is wholly such as his mind is. If the mind is heavenly, the whole spirit, even as to its body, is heavenly. If the mind is infernal, the whole spirit, even as to its body, is infernal; and in consequence such a spirit appears in a direful form like a devil, while the former spirit appears in a beautiful form like an angel of heaven. But on this more will be said elsewhere.