531. 6. Thus is conjugial love imputed to a person. There are marriages in which conjugial love is not apparent and yet exists, and there are marriages in which conjugial love appears to exist and yet does not. The reasons in both cases are many, recognizable in part from our discussions of truly conjugial love (nos. 57-73), of the reasons for cold states and separation (nos. 234-260), and of the reasons for apparent love and friendship in marriage (nos. 271-292). But appearances in outward manifestations determine nothing in regard to imputation. The only determining factor is the conjugial disposition that is lodged and harbored in a person's will, in whatever state of marriage the person lives. This conjugial disposition is like the tongue of a balance by which that love is weighed; for the conjugial union of one man with one wife is the precious jewel of human life and the repository of Christian religion, as we showed above in nos. 457, 458.

This being the case, it is possible for conjugial love to exist in one partner and not at the same time in the other. It is possible as well for that love to lie so deeply hidden that the person himself has no awareness of it. And it may also be implanted during the course of one's life. The reason is that conjugial love in its progress accompanies religion; and because religion is the marriage of the Lord and the church, religion is what initiates and infuses that love. Consequently conjugial love is imputed to a person after death in accordance with his spiritual rational life. Moreover, for one to whom that love is imputed, a marriage is, after his passing, provided in heaven, whatever the character of any marriage he may have had in the world.

From this now proceeds the following conclusion, that one ought not to take the appearances in marriages or the appearances in acts of licentiousness and infer from them of someone that he has conjugial love or not. Therefore, Judge not, that you be not condemned. (Matthew 7:1)

271. REASONS IN MARRIAGE FOR APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND FAVOR

Now that we have considered reasons for cold states and separations, it follows in succession that we consider also reasons in marriage for apparent love, friendship and favor. For although states of coldness separate the minds of married partners in the world today, we know that they continue to live together and beget children. This would not be the case if there were not states of apparent love as well, which at times simulate or imitate the warmth of genuine love. We will see in the following discussions that these appearances are necessary and useful - that without them homes would not hold together, and so neither would organized societies.

In addition to this, some conscientious persons may labor under the idea that disagreements of minds and resulting internal estrangements between them and their partner are attributable to some fault in themselves, so that they are to blame, on which account they grieve in heart. But because internal differences are not in their hands to remedy, it is enough for them to assuage distresses arising from conscience by shows of apparent love and favor. Friendship may even return as a result, which carries within it conjugial love on the part of the one, if not on the part of the other.

However, because this subject includes a number of different points to be considered, we will divide our treatment into sections as before. Their headings are as follows:

1. Nearly all people in the natural world can be associated together in respect to their outward affections, but not in respect to their inner ones if these differ and become apparent.

2. In the spiritual world, all are associated together in accord with their inner affections, and not in accord with their outward affections unless these are in harmony with their inner ones.

3. Marriages in the world are generally contracted on the basis of outward affections.

4. If inward affections are not present to join the partners' minds, however, the marriages come apart in the home.

5. Nevertheless, marriages in the world are to continue to the end of one or the other's life.

6. In marriages in which inward affections do not join the partners, outward affections may exist which simulate inward ones and keep the two together.

7. The result is apparent love, or apparent friendship and favor, between the partners.

8. These appearances are simulations of conjugial love, which are commendable because they are useful and necessary.

9. In a spiritual person joined to a natural one, these simulations of conjugial love are a matter of justice and judgment.

10. In natural people, these simulations of conjugial love are a matter of prudence for various reasons.

11. They are adopted as means of amendment and as means of accommodation.

12. They are adopted to preserve order in the couple's domestic affairs and to maintain their assistance to each other.

13. They are adopted because of their shared involvement in the care of infants and concern for their children.

14. They are adopted for the sake of peace in the home.

15. They are adopted for the sake of their reputation outside the home.

16. They are adopted for the sake of various benefits expected from the partner or from the partner's relatives, and thus because of a fear of losing them.

17. They are adopted in order to have one's flaws excused, and thus to avoid disgrace.

18. They are adopted as means of reconciliation.

19. If favor does not cease on the wife's part when ability ceases in the man, a friendship resembling a conjugial one may develop as they grow older.

20. Various types of apparent love and friendship are possible between partners in cases where one has been subjugated and is thus subservient to the other.

21. There are hellish marriages in the world in which the partners are inwardly bitter enemies and yet outwardly seem like the closest of friends.

Explanation of these statements now follows.