SPIRITUAL DESPAIR Rev. N. BRUCE ROGERS 1979
NEW CHURCH LIFE
VOL. XCIX JANUARY, 1979 No. 1
I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. Psalm 38:6.
In all of our lives we experience times of trouble and despair, states of depression when we feel that we cannot cope any longer with the tasks before us, that our efforts are without meaning or value, or that we ourselves are worthless and hopelessly unredeemable. Fortunately, for most of us, these states do not last forever, nor will they last without end for anyone in the spiritual world to come; but when we are in them, they can seem as if they will last forever, and they can be very severe. Life then seems hopeless; we seem hopeless.
In this, we are all brothers and sisters in tribulation. There are no exceptions. No one escapes these periods of self-doubt and self-accusation; no one is immune to at least occasional states of belief that, taken in sum, all he has said and done has been pointless, and worse, harmful, a negative influence on the world into which he has been born, and that all he can expect is more of the same-to continue a burden on those whom he loves, useless to them, useless to the world, a failure forgotten by God, if there is a God, unable to love as others do, incapable of wisdom, painfully selfish and self-centered, materialistic, and above all, alone, really alone, inwardly battered and beaten.
Everyone, at least as he enters into his adult years, feels such states of depression and despair from time to time, varying in intensity, varying in frequency and persistence, and varying also in quality, but nevertheless periodically occurring. Sometimes, moreover, there are obvious causes. Quarrels and fights with relatives, friends, or fellow-workers, rejection by those whose favor and affection is wanted, loss of a loved one, failure in some important endeavor, public disgrace, real or imagined, serious financial reverses, extreme fatigue, physical illness, and a host of other like causes, can all precipitate moods of hopelessness and despair. Emotional illness, too, can bring on such states, and often does, when life seems beyond coping with and uncontrollable emotions and feelings overwhelm both reason and freedom. Psychiatric and other counseling services address themselves to these states and their causes; and insofar as the causes lie within the natural arena of life, human arts and science can be of real benefit in restoring to equilibrium thoughts and feelings that have lost perspective, or lives whose straitened circumstances can only be helped by the aid of others.
But there is also another cause of states of hopelessness and despair, a more interior one, and that is spiritual infestation and temptation. This cause is not so readily recognizable, because its origin is imperceptible;* it is, nonetheless, real. Furthermore, it operates in what would normally be called healthy minds, and especially in those which are on their way to becoming truly healthy, healthy spiritually, by regeneration. It can operate as well apparently apart from any external circumstance, so that the moods and states of mind it produces are seemingly without any cause at all.
* See AC 1717:3, 4249:1, 4256c, 5036:1, 2; HD 187, 196; TCR 596:2
To say that the cause is not readily recognizable or that the origin is imperceptible, however, is not to say that the effects are not perceptible. On the contrary, the effects of spiritual temptation call be just as real and painful as those of what may be called natural temptations or trials. One effect, indeed, is despair, a sense of hopelessness, and that is something we feel.* It also is a despair that grows and becomes more and more interior as we spiritually progress, as we become more aware of what we are and what we should be.** Grief, anguish, a sense of devastation and desolation, horror at ourselves and fear for what we shall become, all these are ingredients of the despair,*** and this sometimes seemingly without any cause outside of ourselves. In this state, our prayers go unanswered;**** we are ready to believe that God neither notices nor cares.***** To all perception we are alone.****** What is the matter with us, we ask; but there is no answer.
* AC 1787, 1820:1, 1917, 2334, 6144, 6828, 7147e, 7166, 8164:1, 8171, 8351; HD 196
** AC 8567*** 1787, 1917, 2334, 6144, 6828, 8162, 8164: 2, 8171; HD 187, 188, 196
**** AC 8179:3
***** AC 840, 2334, 1820:1
****** AC 2684
And there is no answer because we have lost our sight of truth. This is another effect of spiritual temptation, and it, too, is something that we really feel.
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We grope for the truth, but cannot find it.* What light we have had flickers and grows dim.** We cannot remember what we have learned;*** or if we do remember, it no longer seems of any use.**** Indeed, how can it even be true?***** All that we know only seems to accuse and condemn us,****** to say to us, all is vanity, there is no God.******* What is true? We swim in our thoughts without direction, without advance, until it seems we can think no more.********
* AC 2682: 2, 2684, 2694:2, 5279, 7147, 6828
** AC 1820:4
*** AC 5279, 7147
**** AC 6828, 8349:2
***** AC 653, 1820:3, 7147, 8159:3
****** AC 1917; AR 100
******* AC 840
******** Cf. AC 7155
Yet we continue to think, and what we think continues to accuse and condemn. Our past life rises up to confront us-every ill-chosen word, every ill-chosen deed-until it seems that we have favored in thought nothing but falsity, cherished in will nothing but evil.* Even those things that we have said and done in innocence, without malice, now seem shot with flaws and but a mask put on for the sake of some artificial and hypocritical role.** Insincere pretense! Must we not plead guilty?***
* AC 751:1, 5036:2, 5, 5246, 6202, 8159:1; HD 196
** AC 751:2, 6202
*** AC 5036:4, 5
So we feel guilty, at times almost unbearably guilty, another real sensation produced by spiritual temptation, and this can be a feeling of guilt not only for what we have been but for what we are now. For along with our loss of a sight of truth, if we progress far enough in the life of our reformation, there come sooner or later times also when we experience a loss of our feeling for good.* No matter what we have felt in the past, in this state we now feel incapable of loving anything good, of loving what lye are supposed to love, even of loving anything at all. In the extremity of the state, even our old natural delights no longer seem to give pleasure.** If we have any affection at all, it is apparently for evil;*** and we may begin to fear for our lives, that if we go on as we should, if we can go on as we should, we will never experience any real enjoyment of life again.****
* AC 5279, 6828
** AC 2272, 8413:2
*** AC 751:3, 1820:3
**** AC 5662
Thus torn between guilt and despair, in spiritual temptation we find ourselves in inward anguish and mental pain and torment that is just as real as any arising from natural causes,* even though for the most part we do not discern the reason. We may begin to doubt our sanity. One thing we do not doubt, and that is the possibility of our regeneration and salvation.** We are in hell, or that is how we feel,*** and in hell, it seems, we will be forever.
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"For temptations are continual despairings of salvation, in the beginning slight; but in course of time grievous, until at least there is doubt, almost denial, of the presence of the Divine and of His aid. In temptations the spiritual life is for the most part brought to this extremity. . . ."**** We are burdened with the thought that we are among the worst of all people, and we are oppressed in mind and heart by the idea that we are therefore unsalvable, without hope, left to ourselves to sink with none to help.
* AC 1917; HD 187, 196; TCR 666:1
** AC 2334:112694:3, 4, 6828
*** AE 730:33
**** AC 8567
Thus do we suffer, and these states can moreover be aggravated by our natural circumstances. Though it has been said that these states of temptation can come, and sometimes do come, apparently apart from any external cause, it is also true that they can as well be precipitated by natural trials of life. For spiritual temptations and natural temptations can take place conjointly,* and frequently do,** the natural serving as the occasion for the onset of the spiritual.*** The experience of spiritual temptations and the anguish and despair they produce is then made more grievous and painful. This is not to confuse merely natural trials with spiritual temptations, for in themselves the two are quite distinct;**** but it is to observe that the presence of the natural does not exclude the spiritual, and indeed, with good people, or those in their reformation, the natural more often than not invites the spiritual,***** so that in these cases the cause and nature of the despair and depression is not to be sought in the natural circumstances alone.
* AC 8392
** AC 8164:2
*** HD 196 [Although this footnote is listed there is no indication of where it goes.]
**** AC 762, 847:2, 3, 8164:1, 8392; HD 189
***** AC 8164:2
Where else then is the cause to be sought? The origin of spiritual temptation is in the spiritual world, where evil spirits infuse themselves into a person's inner life and stir up his evils and false persuasions;* they may even induce new persuasions by which to carry on their attack, and commonly do.** Past deeds and thoughts are called to remembrance, and the evil spirits emphasize the evil and false ones, while those things which have been done well and wisely they misconstrue and misinterpret so as to make them appear evil and false too.*** This they do in order that through the memory and through persuasion they may eventually attack the will, and when they do, they put present motives into question as well, and so fire the affections with their own malice and foul appetites that all capacity for good seems to be gone.**** Their purpose is by these means to destroy what good loves a person may have, by calling their goodness into doubt, and by inducing despair over the possibility of the good ends to which they look ever being realized.*****
* AC 4299:1, 5035, 5036, 6828, 7147, 8351:2; HD 187, 197; TCR 596:2
** AC 1917
*** AC 751:1, 2, 5036:2, 4, 5, 6202, 8159:1; HD 196
**** AC 751:3, 1820:3, 4
***** AC 1820:1, 2, 1787, 8164:2
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All temptation is therefore described as an assault upon the love in which a person is, by bringing it into doubt and despair concerning its hopes and aspirations.* What is more, the degree and severity of the assault is consequently inwardly determined by and proportionate to the nature and intensity of the love. The greater the love, the more anguish there is when its objectives seem lost.** Herein lies also the distinction between spiritual temptations and merely natural ones; for in spiritual temptations it is some spiritual love that is brought into despair, while natural temptations arise from assaults on merely natural loves.*** It is a spiritual temptation when the depression and despair are over one's seeming inability to believe in the Lord, to trust Him and His Providence, to really love the neighbor and live a life of genuine faith and charity, when what is feared is the loss of one's spiritual salvation; and it is natural temptation only when only natural loves suffer. That is why only those who are in some genuine love of good undergo the experience of spiritual temptations, for only they have a spiritual love to be called into spiritual doubt and despair.**** Otherwise there would be no spiritual temptation, no spiritual trial; people without spiritual love would not care; at the approach of the hells they would simply yield and succumb.*****
* AC 1690:3, 1787:1, 1820:1, 214274, 9937:6; HD 196
** AC 1690:3, 6, 1820: 1, 2, 5
*** AC 847:2, 8164; DP 141
**** AC 4299:1; AE 247
***** AC 4274e
So spiritual temptation is only possible with the good, or those in whom good is struggling to reign; and the conflict is sustained because as evil spirits stir up evils and falsities, the Lord and His angels defend that good and oppose and resist the assaults of the hells.* It is this conflict of opposing forces in us that makes temptation what it is. Though we are seemingly overwhelmed with evils, it is precisely our love of good that causes us to feel anguish and despair an account of them. It is also our love of good which gives us a perception of them, for only good perceives evil as being evil.
* AC 4274, 5036:3, 7147, 8159:3, 8351:2; HD 188; AR 100; TCR 596:2
But this latter point deserves qualification, because what we see in spiritual temptation is not always the truth; indeed, in the midst of the struggle, our perception is blurred and the truth distorted. The reason is that though temptation is an assault upon love, the attack is carried on by an injection of false persuasion.* The hells cannot flow into our good loves directly. Only by lies can they try to persuade us, of ourselves, to abandon our good loves and yield to our evil ones.
* AC 4341:2; TCR 596
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Lies are what they therefore try to have us believe. Evil spirits stir up our proprial will, and then tell us that that is all we are. They confuse the truth, and then tell us it is not really true. They tell us that we cannot be saved, that there is no use trying. They tell us that God neither notices nor cares, when the whole Word testifies to His omniscience and omnipresence, and to His willingness and omnipotence to save. They exaggerate our selfish and worldly affections, and frighten us with our frailties. Good motives and intentions they cast doubt upon, and twist them so that they no longer appear good. Every fault they make into an insurmountable stumbling-block, and they slight every virtue. Such is the nature of the assault, which they carry on in order to break us of our good intentions, to persuade us in our despair to yield to their will, no longer to persevere in the path of light and uprightness.
Of this, however, we are but little aware. The activity of evil spirit on the one hand, and the activity of the Lord and His angels on the other, is hidden from our view.* We only feel the effects that have been described, and these often only in a very general manner. The anguish and despair and desolation are real, and painful, but it is difficult for us to analyze why we are feeling that way, or to know how to proceed in the face of it.
* AC 751:3, 4249, 4256e, 5036:2; HD 196; TCR 596:2
One thing we can do is to learn more about the nature of spiritual temptation, because the struggles of temptation are inevitable if we are to become angelic men and women, that is, men and women who are truly loving and wise. There is no regeneration without the combats of spiritual temptation. Knowing what we are experiencing, and understanding these states, can help us both to accept them and to know how to deal with them.*
* Cf. DP 320
Another thing we can do is to learn to accept them. Accepting these states does not mean yielding in them. The false persuasions must be resisted, and the lies are not to be believed. But in resisting the falsities, we can at the same time learn not to resist the uses for which temptations are permitted. One use is to break us of our proprial thoughts and will, of our arrogance and impatience with others and of contemptuous pride in our false sense of self-sufficiency, of our love of the natural world and belief in its joys alone; to humble us in our own eyes that we may admit our need of the Lord and turn to Him for our redemption.* Arrogant or angry refusal to accept these things can only prolong the pain of spiritual conflict, and make repetition of the experience a more frequent necessity.
7
Humble acceptance, on the other hand, brings with it a confirmation of good and truth,** and an eventual perception of happiness in new life*** thus cutting short the pain of spiritual temptation and reducing the need for its repetition.
* AC 730:1, 1692:1, 1717:3, 2213; 2, 2334, 2694:2-4, 8567, 8966, 5129
** AC 1691:1, 1717:3, 2273, 2334, 5279, 5356, 8966
*** AC 5356:2, 6144, cf. 5246:4, 5279e
And finally what we can do in the grip of temptation is to turn to the Lord. We all know that this is what we should do, but we do not always know or remember how it is to be done. Prayer alone is not sufficient.* We must actively of ourselves fight against the persuasions of the hells,** by clinging doggedly to the truths of the Word,*** even if at the time we temporarily lose our perception of their truth; and we must remain in our active life,**** doing the things we know we should do, and shouldering the burdens we know we must shoulder. We cannot retreat into ourselves, nor can we look for escape. Spiritual temptations cannot be run away from; they have to be accepted and overcome, or else we yield in them. We overcome in the name of the Lord when we persevere in the duties He has laid upon us, and when we do so in an acknowledgment that only He has the power to save.***** For of ourselves we have not the power to save ourselves, we have not the power to overcome the hells; only the Lord has the power, and it is He who fights for man in temptation.****** His power becomes as it were our power, when we fight back as if of ourselves, by persisting in doing what we know He would have us do, and at the same time acknowledging that we do so from Him.******* Amen.
* AC 8179:2, 3
** AC 8176, 8179:2, 8969; HD 200
*** HD 191
**** AC 8179:3
***** AC 8172, 8176, 8179:2, 8969; HD 195, 200
****** AC 1692:2, 8159:5, 8175; HD 195, 200
******* AC 8159:5, et al.